Transgendered in the Bathroom: Why Rob Anders has it wrong

Mea Culpa time.

 

Back when I went to UNB (this would have been over a decade ago), and before the days when I knew my twin brother was gay, and before gay marriage was even really an issue, I lived in the Lady Beaverbrook Residence on campus. Rumours were starting about a person who was looking to transfer into the house, and a meeting was called with university staff to address the issue. The problem? A person named Happy, who was (to our knowledge) a guy who dressed like a girl, wanted to transfer to the residence.

I'm not going to sugarcoat it: I acted like a real prick. I spoke against her coming over because I was uncomfortable with the idea. I didn't understand why she dressed the way she dressed. I was afraid that her presence would disturb my happy little university life. There are a handful of events that I look back on and cringe to think about. This is one of them. Happy wasn't trying to put me in a dress. She wasn't trying to make me uncomfortable. She just wanted two things. A place to live, and to be treated with respect. And I failed horribly to give her either. 

I'm sorry Happy.

This article is dedicated to you.

Source/author unknown. Image from here.

Apologies for "skipping work" here for a week. I was going to blog about the new agreement that TTC, not a private company, will run the new LRT lines or maybe about the latest news about Toronto's plastic bag ban (still around), but something in the news got in my craw recently. Two articles in fact, in (you guessed it) the Toronto Star:

1) "Toronto school board introduces policy for transgender students, staff" by Karissa Donkin, and

2) "Transgender community outraged by petition launched by Rob Anders" by Laura Kane.

The number one rule about any articles involving such a sensitive topic about sexuality and gender is probably "don't read the comments", which I have of course, broke to be own despair. I am perhaps not the strongest person to be speaking about this topic, as being a straight male, society has no issue with either my sexuality or the gender I identify myself as. I can't even claim to have a transgendered friend. 

But, perhaps there are some people who might read this who don't understand why it is so important to not allow people to "be" their gender, even when it contradicts the fiddly bits below their waist. And while the subject in the above articles is specifically about transgendered individuals,this is about more than gender identity. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, queer, intersex, transexual, asexual,- numerous others that I've missed in that short list, -this is really all about challenging the social norms that people have, and showing them that there is no bogeyman at the end waiting to turn them into some monster.

As some of my readers know, I have a twin who is gay (my story about that follows this post). When my brother came out to my dad (who was amazingly cool about it), my brother asked him if he had any questions. If you are LGBTQ or other, you've probably been asked this too: "why."

It's a simple question, but it's not an easy answer. My brother put it this way: he didn't choose to be gay. Why would someone choose to identify as a group which (despite progress) is still seen as a less-than-equal member of society? To be part of a group whose presence brings out hate and fear in some people, whether it be for religious reasons, politican reasons, -- or worse -- ignorance? No, my brother is gay because there is some part of him that tells him that is who he should be, not what others want him to be.

This is not to say my brother isn't proud to be gay; I doubt it was easy for him, but he has made a lot of peace with who he is. But he had to get there with a good portion of society telling him he was wrong for feeling the way he felt. I'm sure it takes its toll; it has taken a lot of time to get it in peoples' heads that being gay is not going to crash the stock markets of the world, that it's not some form of sexual "cooties" that spreads by being in the next urinal over, and that if society is serious about separating church and state, then marriage can't be an exclusive "straight only" club.

Yes, it will make people uncomfortable. But that lack of comfort comes from fear and ignorance; it does not come from rational behaviour.

So when the news hits that *gasp* people who identify as being female might want to use washrooms designed for women a lot of hate and anger pour out. Let me grab some actual comments:

"So let's see... as a male, all I have to do is walk along whistling Shania Twain's popular tune... "I Feel Like a Woman" and now I can enter any woman's washroom. Gee, thanks for that. Oh, by the way... Am I supposed to leave the seat up or down?"

"Have a penis? Use the men's washroom. Don't have one? Use the women's." 

" I don't want guys, who decide they are feeling like a woman today to decide they can use the same as my daughters or wife whenever they feel like it. I know there are legitimate transgendered out there but the right would also be used by the perverted. If it makes transgendered uncomfortable, that's unfortunate."

 

Let me break some of these arguments down:

1) "Perverts will use this as an excuse to be pervy". 

First of all, I think some people are overestimating the amount of people who are going to put on a dress or tell people they're transgendered in order to enter a women's washroom to get their jollies. There isn't currently any practical way of stopping a dude from pulling a Mrs. Doubtfire if they're determined enough; neither the TDSB policy or Rob Anders' bill will stop either.

Secondly, if criminal deviants are abusing policies designed for accommodation in order to get their jollies, then we've got legislation on the books to *gasp* throw them in jail. Assuming that women won't be able to tell the difference between a person who identifies as female using the toilet, and the person who is only "pretending" to be female, and instead using the washroom to sexually objectify someone is an insult to women. It won't even stop people from "harming" children, unless you make the claim that currently, no men prey on young boys, nor women on young girls (in which case the logical conclusion is to have seperate washrooms for minors).

Regardless, the point is that you can't use criminal behaviour as an excuse to not pass legislation. Such logic dictates that people shouldn't drive motor vehicles is dangerous because car chases happen and that woodchippers be banned because.... well, you saw that scene from Fargo.

2) "Gender is a physical construct".

No. Most everybody is born physically male or physically female. This is one's "sex". But that's simply one's outer shell. This "shell" is something completely out of one's control. Certainly, if I had the choice, I would have picked a body that would have given me Chris Murphy's hair. 

But we're dealt the body we're dealt. My "sex" is male, because I've got that particular organ. But (and this is important) sex is not gender. Gender is what one feels they are, whether they feel male or feel female. This "gender identity" often lines up with one's sex, but not always. Much like someone who identifies as being gay, this is not a choice.

What it means, is that if you believe you're female on the outside, but male on the inside, that you do not wake up and say to yourself "gosh, I think I'll be a dude today" any more than I do in the morning.

Imagine if you were told that "new rule, you must use a washroom opposed to your gender". Heck, just think back to those days when your mom/dad would come with you into public washrooms, whether they were for "your gender" or not. Imagine how uncomfortable it would feel to be in a space that is not for you (to get a different experience, but similar feeling, walk in the middle of the road). Now put your feet of the shoes of someone who identifies as male, but is forced to use the women's washroom.

3)  "If this makes transgendered people uncomfortable, it must for the greater good."

When is shaming and making a group of people uncomfortable ever for the greater good? This is the most ridiculous argument, the classic "All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others" commandment from Animal Farm. You can't apply human rights on a scale that takes into account one's gender, sex, race, colour, or any other numerous variables that people can "be".

There are generally three reasons to infringe human rights. 

1. The first is as punishment for a crime; a person harms another, and is punished monetarily, or finds their freedoms taken away because of it. Robbery and murder come to mind, but let's also not forget libel and slander.
2. The second is to prevent behaviour that is deemed undesirable, even if the immediate impact does not necessarily harm another. This is stuff like preventing store owners from selling cigarettes to minors, and drinking and driving.
3. The last reason you do it is because it protects a greater right. This is stuff like making the possession of child pornography illegal, on the basis that children are vulnerable members of society, and allowing such material to be distributed only encourages the creation of more child pornography.

To make the argument that allowing a transgendered person to use the washroom their gender associates with would "harm another", or should be deemed "undesirable behaviour", or that it somehow "violates a greater right" is laughable. Any way you slice it, to make such a case you have to claim that someone who is transgendered should be punished in our society. 

I'm sorry, I'm a bit uncomfortable at such a suggestion.

So props to the TDSB for not ostracizing people whom face ridicule and shame daily -- especially children -- for something they had no control over. And slops to MP Rob Anders for using fear and ignorance to ostracize Transgendered Canadians. Shame on you sir.

- Eddie

*Amendment: How a Poker Game made me a LGBT-Q Ally

I sent this post to my brother to read first, to try and make sure I wasn't misrepresenting him. He asked that I talk about my own experience with coming to understand homosexuality, which I've written about below.

When my brother came out to me, I'd like to say that I had some inkling of it coming, but I totally didn't. I have the worst gay-dar in the world (I seriously went to school with two classmates that I saw four times a week and didn't have a clue they weren't straight until I saw one with his boyfriend, and the other talking about a girl she was seeing). I want to say I was all class when my brother told me, but the truth was that my brain shut-off for a while. I spent a good couple of weeks in a kind of shock. Oh, don't get me wrong; it wasn't because he was gay, but rather because I thought that I might be gay. I mean we're identical twins right? Isn't that how it works?

I mean, they don't teach you to be tolerant in school back in the 90s. We both grew up Catholic, but despite the whole "church" thing not sticking, you combine that with a childhood divided between Cape Breton Island and Northern Alberta, and you don't really meet people who are gay - at least not openly. There was no conversation (that I can remember) where a person of authority (family member, religious figure or teacher) that said "you can't like gay people!" But that doesn't stop you and your friends from getting your own ideas that being "gay" is something you don't want to be. I sometimes wonder that some people misunderstand homosexuality not because someone misinforms them, but because there is no one there to try and educate them differently.

Needless to say,  I don't think I was a very good cheerleader for LGBT-Q issues immediately after my brother's revelation. It didn't help that I wasn't in a very good point in life (but that's a different story). I think my brain shut-off about the whole subject. I figured out that yes, I'm not gay, but I couldn't really go any further than that mentally.  I put the whole subject in a box in my mind and put it aside to be examined later. 

It would take over four years, But I finally opened it during a poker game.

My dad works in the oil patch in Alberta, and had several of his friends over for a game that I was participating in. I don't want to paint all Albertans with this brush, but these were the kind of people who probably didn't have gay friends. One of them mentioned that there was going to be a gay pride parade happening somewhere soon. One of them suggested that "they get in their truck and run a few of them down."

I snapped.

It was one thing to read on the news about someone being assaulted or jailed because they were gay. It was literally quite another to be across the table from a man who just suggested that gay men - men like my brother - deserved to be killed. I'd like to say I tore a strip off that guy, but he probably just walked away frustrated, not embarrassed.

But it changed me.